Where do we Turn? Who do we Turn To?
After reading Jody's blog today about the Samoan student who after giving birth to her baby tried to hide it in the garden outside her dormitory brings a lot of unsettling questions to mind.
Like who does one turn to in times of trouble when they are too scared or too ashamed to ask help from family and friends?
Who can they share their burden with whilst being assured of discretion and absolute confidentiality? (is this possible?!**)
One of the first thoughts that came to my mind was a story my momma told us when me and my sisters were young (Yes I once was young too..lol.)My mom was very open with us concerning all aspects of life,love, marriage etc.
She touched upon the topic of pregnacny one day n said "Should one of you fall pregnant and if whoever knocks you up" * not her words but u get my drift* " does not want to marry u or acknowledge the child. Your father and I (dad was not part of the conversation nor was he anywhere near) will take care of you and your baby. However if it happens again, it will mean 2 things 1: You still have not learned and are extremely gullible or 2: you actually like it and with that you will have closed the door on yourself " (dear old mom never one to sugar coats her words)
Anyways on with the story : When she was working at our National Hospital back in the days there was an English nurse who was also a nun who worked in the Maternity Ward. My mom said that whenever a young girl in labor was brought in she could feel how uncomfortable the other nurses on shift were. She discerned the same look on the faces of those bringing in the young mothers to be. Sad aye?
This was not so with the English nun, mom went on to say how she'd tend to the patients so tenderly and with her limited knowledge of the language tried to comfort and encourage them. The memory that has stayed with me was what the nun said to one particularly distressed girl of about 19.
After giving birth the girl refused to hold or even look at her baby. After the baby was cleaned up the nun brought the child to his mother for his first feeding. The girl refused to take the baby until the nun said ..."Tilotilo i lau pepe, fai mai le Atua o o'u foliga na ua avatu e foliga iai lau tama. E faamanatu atu ai lou alofa ia te oe"
" Look at your baby, I have given him my face to remind you that I love you!"
Yes love can cover all.
Perhaps God did not really say that but its not impossible, even if that nun just said it to make that young mother feel better. How wonderful it must have sounded to someone who must've been carrying a heavy load of guilt n shame.
I wish someone, anyone had spoken a word of encouragement to that young student.
How different things might have turned out.
This is a problem that needs fixing NOW before another precious life is lost or destroyed. It can happen to anyone, to people we love and care about.
My daughter was born in the first year of my Masters Degree my situation was a little different as I had a fabulous support team. Koyu, Line, Nydia, Edna, Patricia and the rest of the Crew. There were some difficult moments but everything worked out in the end.
In recognition of my heartfelt gratitude I named my daughter after the girls Kolinyedcia in abbreviation of all their names. It wasn't much but at the time it was the only thing a financially strapped student & new mother could come up with.
But in all seriousness I too needed help to sort everything out. In retrospect of my situation compared to that of this poor student in Otago I belive I was mighty blessed.
2 and half years later. My family all together...One degree down and one to go, my daughter has become a naughty lil' minx (quoting Mr Simon Cowell of American Idol) healthy and happy. Everyday I learn something new about myself whenever I am with her hopefullys she's learning something too. As mentioned in an earlier post Kolinyedcia has her own place in our University. She's coveted the distinguished Title of APU MASCOT..lol.
Getting back to the issue : My prayer is that this young girl with help from God, her family and friends will be able to get herself together and move past this dark episode. Granted it will not be easy but from the shards of her old life she can forge a brand new one.
Little sister I pray that you will be comforted
We all make mistakes, some life threatning others not so serious. How we deal with it is sometimes influenced by the reaction of others (family /close friends/society etc.) Usually we can get ourselves off the ground if someone puts out a helping hand.
So please don't knock someone who is already down.
Don't sneer or laugh when someone even those you are not very fond of get in trouble.
Somebody somewhere quoted "If Malice had a physical shape it would be that of a boomerang"
Please spare a kind word or always have one on reserve. You never know one of the people you may have spoken to within the course of a day would sincerely appreciate it.
Note to self : Be a little more sensitive, a little more understanding, forgiving patient and generous.
No I am not striving for sainthood (my halo is still intact) *jokes* Nah we have enough of those self proclaimed "Purrrfect Beoble" already.
Life is not always easy but most of the troubles that some consider insurmountable can actually be worked out given time and patience. Some parents can and do get over the shock of a pregnant daughter though a little disappointment may linger it is usually washed away once they see the little baby's face.
Even the coldest heart can melt at the sight of these immensely cute little creatures ..lol.
People will talk, some will point fingers, other will turn up their noses others will pretend not to know you but all these obstacles can be overcome with a little faith in urself and a lot on da man above.
All I can say is that for those who insist on carrying on with their fia kanak ways they'll just have to bite the bullet for as they say in France "cest la vie". Yup yup get ur heads out of the sand people we are living in the 21st century.
There are more devastating probs to consider such as how to change the ignorant minds of the NCC and let the sachiks watch DVC *jokes*
Pregnancy is the natural result of having unprotected sex. Lesson well learned no need to rub it in. Not being able to watch a movie coz a bunch of old guys think they know u better than u know urself is not natural and has to be remedied. But I'll strobbit there as this poor topic is like already been thoroughly discussed.
So in answer to my question where do we turn, who do we turn to??
Hopefully to :
- loving & understanding parents.
- Loyal and trusting friends.
- an Accepting and forgiving church
- a responsible and supportive partner/boy friend/sperm donor etc
- a compassionate support group initiated by govt.
- our everloving ever forgiving God who clearly states in Isaiah 43:25
" I even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more."
So when you are tired of looking around.. look up!
For everyone who has been touched by this tragedy. Let us all strive to do what we can to prevent this from ever happening again.