Had a quiet morning, didn't do much but sit, eat n blogg while contemplating my status as a student studying in a foreign land. Why now??? I guess I am still hung up on how the spectrum of life can change in the blink of an eye. How we could be on top of the world one minute and then find ourselves in the dung heap the next.
Take for example the Samoan student now on possible charges of manslaughter for the death of her newborn baby which she tried to dispose.
How far can this moment in her life be, from when she first discovered that she's one of the precious few to covet a scholarhip to study in New Zealand??
How half way through her studies she finds herself in a totally alien and scary situation.
How difficult and heartbreaking it must be for her, to bear witness to her own life spiraling out of control landing her in a nightmare that is able to perpetuate itself even while she's awake.
How many times must she replay that fateful scene in her head wishing she take could take it all back.
How riddled her heart must be with a sense of shame, guilt n remorse.
How painful the images she is inwardly processing, the pain amplified as the faces of her loved ones becomes clearer in her mind's eye.
I love the Samoan word for students and other people sent overseas to study/work etc
I don't exactly know the direct english translation for this term but the image that comes to mind are little white doves being set free to soar.
The only thing that troubles me is, what happens if one of the doves hits a snag along the way and break one of its wing? Who will help it to heal?
What if they get caught in a trap and is unable to free itself? Should it be retrieved?
What if they get lost who will lead them home?
What if one returns home without an olive branch how will it be received?
Though I am speaking metaphorically I really hope the answers are positive. At least for my sake.
Not everybody can breeze through Uni. There are those who's characters are tailor made for the world of higher learning. Then there are people like me who need to give it a 101% each time in order to make it but can only cough up so much as 51% as my poor brain has but a few functioning cells remaining as the rest were fried in the last 2 decades.
As Fotu mentioned there is a lot of additional weight that we bring with us on our initial trips to college/uni, aside from the apa pisupos that our mama's stuff in between our clothers just incase we are not used to the food or get hungry in da middle of the night. (God bless all our mummies) The expectation of parents, villages, govt plus families who've already worked out which office you'd work for and how much ur likely to earn can weigh heavy on the minds of the young and eager to please Sons and Daughters of Samoa.
After two degrees it hasn't gotten any easier for me. Every time I sleep in, I can distinctly hear my mom's voice my very own built in alarm system saying " Nofo i luga e te fiu lava e moe pea oo mai le oti, taimi lenei faaaoga lelei aso mai le Atua aua ele mafai ona toe maua mai"
Get up you can sleep all u want when u are dead. Use wisely each God given day becoz once they're gone they are lost forever." Learned a lot from my dear old mama hope I can pass on the same constructive advice to my litte girl when she is old enough to appreciate it.
I have never been on a Samoan govt scholarship though. I have been real fortunate yes extremely blessed. I was on an AUSAID scholarship when I did my B.Admin in Australia @ James Cook University, my M.Sc and presental Doctoral pursuit I owe to the generosity of the Japanese people via the Mombukagakusho or MEXT Scholarship. Though I am not obligated to go back to Samoa and work as I am not a party to the usual govt bond I will gladly go home if there is a job there for me. Samoa is my heart and I am fiercely patriotic (can u tell?? har har) Though the money one makes back home in a year is like a fraction of what u can earn here in a few months. I don't mind going back home to some obscure cubicle or shared office somewhere.
Though I am not here on our local tax payers blood n sweat.(or is it $$ from other ODA's diverted to the Education system ?!?) It's even more difficult for me as I see on a day to day basis the elderly Japanese doing menial jobs. I constantly find myself thinking "its their money..don't fail..its their money".
I am half way through my program (wheww!!but I know I will need a whole lotta prayers to make it through. I also need to read my Bible